We all try to be decent human beings most of the time…..
But it’s hard to be in that mindset when it seems like everyone is being such an a-hole, right?
Especially this time of year.
The lines, your boss, traffic, coworkers……the dreaded mother-in-law……it can all get to be too much sometimes.
People seem to be frazzled, self-absorbed, impatient and sometimes just downright rude.
“Does everyone just only think of themselves nowadays?”
We’re annoyed and they’re jerks.
People have many reasons for their behavior and a lot of it is just because they don’t know any better.
They also could be suffering from problems (like a child with cancer) and being “polite” is last on their list.
None of it has anything to do with you.
Getting mad, hurt and/or offended by other people’s actions or thoughts, just makes you become more like the person you’re annoyed with.
There’s an expression:
“You spot it, you got it”.
Our thoughts about everyone and everything around is actually a clue to some of the yucky stuff going on within ourselves that we just don’t like.
In psychological terms this is called “mirroring”.
Here are some examples:
- Do you wish people would just get off their phones already?
- Do you wish the people would just keep their opinions to themselves?
- Do you wish your boss would stop riding you so hard?
- Do you wish your spouse would pay you more compliments or be more appreciative?
Well…..here’s the mirroring part.
- Have you never talked on a cell phone in line, driving or at dinner?
- Do you have opinions about other people too? Do you complain to everyone who will listen about said people? And secretly wish you could tell them all to f*-the-hell–off once in awhile?
- Are you satisfied with your work? Do you stay even though you hate it? Do you really put in 100%?
- And your spouse’s inability to make you feel better about yourself?……Do you give yourself compliments or appreciation? Do you ever look in the mirror and say “Dammnnnn, you look great!” Probably not. And to that effect, do you ever give him or her compliments?
So next time you’re bitchin’ about someone or something….ask yourself…..
“How have I shown up in the same way?”
Because if you’re complaining, whining, yelling and stewing about another person’s behavior, you are becoming just as messed up as you think they are.
And when we make other people’s behavior an excuse to behave poorly ourselves…..
We actually become what we don’t like.
So, what can you do to stop living in such a craptastic state of victimhood and reactivity and maintain a sense of self-emopowerment and calm?
When triggered, STOP! Take three deep breathes and ask yourself this one question (over and over):
“Is this situation, person or thing worth me getting all jacked-up about?”
I’m guessing, probably not.
So stop the cause/effect cycle you’re in. Choose to rise above.
If you want things to change in your life….
And if you want more control over your reactions to everything and everyone around you…..
You’ve got two options:
Make a request:
- Politely ask someone to get off their phone. And then you do the same. If you think they’re rude, don’t be rude yourself.
- Sternly remind your mother-in-law/coworker/random FB follower that they can keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves. The little child inside you will be so happy you stood up to that bully. And then, in return, keep your own opinions to yourself. That includes talking behind someone’s back.
- Schedule a meeting with your boss and coworkers for ideas of what you can do better. And if they are really that bad, look for a new job because complaining is getting you nowhere.
- Ask your spouse exactly for what you need. And in return, ask for what he/she needs. But ultimately, if you felt amazing about yourself, you wouldn’t need anyone to tell you you’re desirable, lovable, worthy or enough. You’d already know.
All these requests may fall on deaf ears…..
But at least you’ve stopped being a victim to everyone and everything else and started being more like the person you want to be.
And if that doesn’t work?
There’s option #2……
Let it all go. Do nothing and move on.
Option #1 is active and may get some change.
Option #2 is neutral and lets you drop your BS and go on about your badass self.
If people are driving you nuts…..know that you can’t change them. You can only change yourself and your reactions to them.
YOU get to choose to be the person you wish everyone else would be in the world.
And what they do, say or believe should have nothing to do with that.